Red Socks
by McNerdybird
Summary: What happens when Harry has a moment with Draco Malfoy? What causes this moment? Parody.


The whole school was sat in the Great Hall, awaiting their Headmaster so that he could give his speech. They had been waiting for quite some time and Dumbledore was the only one who had not appeared. Harry started to get bored. "Knowing how old Dumbledore is, I expect he's still in the toilet," he muttered and his friends laughed.

Harry started to look around the room. First, his eyes involuntarily passed by the ginger-haired Ron, who like a bit like a hamster. "Mate, hey mate. Mate," Ron greeted him but Harry ignored the insignificant lump.

His eyes then fell on his girlfriend, Hermione. She was undoubtably the prettiest, sexiest, funniest, coolest girl in the school. She was great in bed and she was so modest yet shy. She was the most intelligent witch ever and often purposely one upped poor, dim-witted Ron. She was also very kind and everyone loved her. No one but Harry knew that she was also exceptional at Quidditch and everything else. Harry can still remember the beautiful occasion they had gotten together:

 _Harry had found Hermione crying after Ron had chosen to eat steak and kidney pie instead of buying her presents. To be fair to Ron, it had been a tasty pie. "Look Hermione, you're amazing," Harry whispered. "You're like a sister to me."_ _Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes. "T-thanks Harry. You're like a sister to me too," she said. Then they started kissing wildly._

Harry's thoughts came back to the present as he pondered on their relationship. Ron was still as oblivious as a blimp. Admittedly, Harry and Hermione didn't have much fun together and they didn't have much in common other than the bit of air they shared when they kissed. Which was a lot. Their relationship had completely ostracised that brat of a sister of Ron's, Ginny.

Harry looked around again and spotted her. She was nowhere near as attractive as Hermione but all the guys fancied her and said she was the best looking girl in the school. Harry couldn't fathom why they would say this. Had they drunk bad water? Ginny was also a slut: she had been seen once kissing Michael Corner on the cheek! Ron saw Harry looking at Ginny and he turned red. "WHAT THE BLOODY MATE HELL ARE MATE YOU DOING, MATE! YOU GIT, MATE! GIT, MATE, GIT!" He whispered angrily, then ate a banana.

Harry then spotted something in a dark corner of the hall. Severus Snape, the sexiest professor in all of Hogwarts history, obviously, was lounging in a chair. He had a school girl in his lap who was giggling and twirling a strand of his greasy hair while he sneered. Legend had it that Snape was ripped under his cloak. There was a line of hundreds of girls just waiting for their turn to kiss him. Snape was shields from the professors table.

Suddenly, Harry's attention was grabbed by the entrance of Professor Dumbdore who threw the old doors wide open. Harry seethed at the arrival of the man, who he noticed had toilet paper attached to a shoe. Harry thought about how Dumbledore had manipulated him to save thousands of lives. How could he? As he entered the room, Dumbledore's long, white beard became tangled in the door and he got stuck. Eventually, he managed to pull it loose and he made his bumbling way up to the front.

"Greetings, I am Professor Dumbledore..."

"More like Dumble- _bore_ ," Harry said, faking a yawn. Hermione snickered.

"I don't get it," whined Ron. "Beef!" he yelled to nones suprise.

Harry didn't need the likes of Dumbledore. He was independent and was waiting for Dumbledore to announce the news very soon now. Of course, being a teenager of limited experience he was far better off without the wisdom and guidance of one of the world's most powerful wizards. There was no way he would misiterpret information and get things wrong. He had a cunning plan: he was going to invite Voldemort to a showdown and kill him. That would work.

Finally, Dumbledore had gotten to the bit Harry cared about. "...that Harry Potter has been made Lord Potter-Black and has inherited billions of galleons..." The old man almost looked sad behind his crescent-shaped glasses. Harry heard mumbling and was sure they were in awe of him. He overheard Ginny mumbling. "A _Lord_? There's never been a Lord before apart from the self-proclaimed Lord Voldemort. Why is there suddenly a Lord now? It makes no sense...there's no royalty."

Pretty soon, the speech had finished and some people got up to go. Harry stood up but Ron was too busy choking on a chicken leg. Ginny helped him and looked at Ginny jealously. Hermione ran off to join Snape; Harry allowed her to have Snape on the side because he knew they were a good match. As well as Draco, Remus, Sirius, Batman and sometimes even Ron, although Harry was sure he did not really know what was happening. Hermione was still loyal to him.

As Dumbledore left the room, his clumsy beard swept a blonde-haired boy off his feet. Harry saw this happening and as the boy fell, his trousers rode up. What Harry saw shocked him. The boy turned and Harry saw it was Draco Malfoy. He was the most desired boy in the school, the place boy with the eyes of evil. Harry secretly fancied him even though he was a racist and an attempted murderer and the son of a known terrorist who wanted Harry dead. Draco looked at him with a sexy scowl. Harry whispered at him. "You wear red socks too?" Draco's mouth dropped and he gazed into Harry's eyes. They felt a special connection form.

Over the next few days, Harry couldn't stop thinking about this moment, even when he was in a cupboard with Hermione. The only time he stopped thinking about it was when Hermione approached him with some news. "Harry, I'm pregnant," she admitted.

"Well, fix it. You got us into this mess. Do one of those really complicated spells that involves gathering complex, silly ingredients and then sleeping with a load of people." Hermione nodded tearfully before running off. Harry didn't want a baby. He had made his bed, and slept in it but he wasn't ready to...er, clean it?

Harry instantly went back to thinking about that deep, meaningful experience with Draco, where they found out they wore the same socks. All of a sudden, Harry began to hear voices in his head. _I wonder what Potter is doing? I wonder if he's wearing his red socks?_

 _Draco_? Harry thought.

 _Harry?_

Harry could hear Draco's thoughts and he could hear his. He could also feel influxes in emotion and could even see what he could see if he concentrated enough. _Wait, why couldn't we hear this before._

 _Oh, oh, don't worry, that just lazy writing._

 _I love you Draco._

 _I love you Harry._

Harry kept this secret hidden for weeks, meeting up with Draco so they could kiss. He finally felt like he was ready to discuss this with Hermione. When he told her about, she said, "that sounds like you've soul bonded." Ron snorted.

"You've been reading too much Fanfiction," he joked. He winked at the reader subtly. "Hey, hey, Harry, mate, mate."

"What?"

"You must be getting a lot of letters."

"What, Ron?"

"Because you love Draco Mailboy, mate. Haha mate."

Harry ignored this. "Oh Harry." Hermione turned to him. "I sorted out the pregnancy. However, you have to keep sleeping with people for the spell to work so I got pregnant again. It's Snape's."

"Well in that case I don't care. And I'm breaking up with you to be with Drakey."

Draco happened to be walking past and ran over. "Mudblood," he sneered at Hermione. Then he smiled at Harry. "I heard your words and have come to declare my love in front of everyone for you."

"I love you too Draco." The they skipped off into the grounds where Draco handed Harry over to Voldemort.


End file.
